90 Days to Sobriety-Part 2

change

I just completed week 1 of my journey to forever conquering food addiction. This is not a new process for me-the decision to rid myself of toxic food and thought-it is one that has been repeated over and over with many failed attempts. Although I no longer call them failed attempts but just a part of the process. It is not one that happens overnight but a journey that is lifelong. Overall, surprisingly, it was a good week. Of course, there were many ups and downs to include many “light bulb turned on” and “a-ha” type moments. I wanted to share a handful of my discoveries and hopefully a few of them will resonate within your spirit.  Here’s what I learned this week about myself, my relationship with food and the rest of the world.

You may never find a root cause so let it go and focus on the bright spots. You ever been going through something for a long time and ask yourself why me? Why I am having such a challenging time changing? The truth of the matter is you may never know. More importantly, even if you knew that information it won’t help you change! The thought of knowing a root cause to solve the problem has been the typical focus for most of us in the world but oftentimes that truth will never come to fruition. The key to solving an issue is looking for ways to make it better. My focal point had been on the why but one of my “a-ha” moments this week came while meditating. I was trying to clear my mind of negative thoughts and now I could hear a voice inside of me saying “why me?” and immediately I thought “it doesn’t matter”. I knew then that a habit that I needed to rid myself from was hyper focusing on dwelling in my emotional pain of not understanding the why. When I asked myself that question it immediately led into negative emotions that never led anywhere but right into a self-pity party. Now I turn my thoughts to what will work for me and no longer the why.

My happiness is directly linked to my thoughts aligning with my actions. Whoooo! This was a big one! I have said before that I have never really been blissfully happy and that is something I want to experience before I die! Don’t we all? I will pause and tell you that when you take out those negative ways of coping, you have nothing else to fall back on except the reality of it all. This is what you’re faced with when you give up drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, etc. Nothing left just to face yourself and your truth. This is where I have been all week! Ha! I was sitting on the floor in my living room packing one morning and I felt an urge to get donuts. I wanted them so badly, but I talked myself through it and am learning to replace my cravings with healthier options but part of the process to rid myself of this behavior to over indulge is tap into my feelings at that very moment. To really ask myself what is it that I really want. In that moment my mind said, “you know sugar is not good for you and you have healthy options so choose the healthy option!” This is where I realized the source of my unhappiness. I thought about my entire life and every decision that I had made. Many of them did not align with who I am. That causes unhappiness. To live a life following the path to reach other folks goals and “boxed” into belief systems and cultural norms that you know are not you is happiness suicide!  Live a life that you love!

Quiet the chatter. This one is directly in line with aligning thoughts with actions. I decided a few months ago that I would leave my job and start living my life on my own terms. Living a life that would be filled with what I want. Here is where the chatter comes in. When you leave a job, there will be many folks that won’t understand. Some will say it behind your back while others will come to you, out of concern(sarcasm), asking or telling you that maybe you are not making a wise decision. Demanding answers to why? And what are you going to do and how will you live? When I think about it right now it irks me. You see even though people don’t realize it, their concern is not concern its doubt in that person based on what they consider not normal. Not lack of confidence in me but lack of confidence in that person based on what they consider to be normal. Folks will always want you to make the same decision they would make and their inability to think past that part of them that would be too scared to do anything out of what would be their norm, is what truly drives what I call chatter. I am learning quickly that I will never be able to completely get people to stop offering me unsolicited advice but to take it like a grain of salt and consider the source. End the end I am going to be okay with making ALL decisions for my own life and on my own terms.

Release. This was the biggest lesson for me this past week. Everyone calls me mean…I am. I get it. It is always said with a small amount of humor. It is hurtful, but I get it. I won’t make excuses for my rough way with words or my overly aggressive language. I know. Here is what I discovered about “me” this week. I carry a TON of resentment for people, in general. I have spent ninety percent of my life as a fat girl. I was picked on and laughed at A LOT! For being fat AND dark. I felt the discrimination early on in life and while some may recoil inside themselves when faced with bullying it made me mean and extremely defensive. Many don’t know this about me, but I fought my way through elementary, middle and high school. When they would attack I made them realize that once they did they would suffer the repercussions. It was hurt but channeled through aggressive behavior. I realized this week that much of my being happy will lie in my ability to let go of the past. There will be wrongs that will never be right and apologies that I will never receive. I must give forgiveness and move forward. I must let go of the bitterness, anger, distrust and most of all the hurt and resentment.

This has been a LONG week but a good one. No sugar and no soda were my focus this week but next week I will continue with a cleanse to help with my food allergies. I am in the process of relocating so I will continue with what I am doing and once I get settled I will start my cleanse. It is my hope that my transparency will help another human being who is struggling in living their best life. I get up every day and the first thing I ask myself is “what will you do today to add to your happiness and accomplish your goals?” Are you doing the same?

If you or anyone you know may be struggling with food addiction and/or weight loss, please schedule a free consultation with me today. Nothing like a little girl talk with someone who truly understands. Schedule your appointment here: https://my.timetrade.com/book/N954H

forgiveness

 

Published by Iamaprildjones

I am just a mess with a message! Taking it one day at a time....

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